Since making the decision to resign, it has been met with a range of emotion. With any major change in life there is the process of closing one chapter, all while anticipating the next. One minute you are ecstatic thinking about the possibilities to redefine what life looks like. The next, you are crying over the hand prints that were drawn on the wall or remembering the day you brought your children home from the hospital after they were born. All the memories and comfort of what you know and what is familiar.
One thing I have learned in life is that we grow the most as humans when we challenge ourselves and lean into fear. It would be easy for me to sit back right now and say I am too scared and continue to do more of the same. Instead, I am choosing to let go of that and simply go to the place that is laden with fear because I know it will be worth it in the end.
The other day, I was sitting with a group of people who I am close with and mentioned all that was going on in our lives. Most of them are 10 – 20 years my senior and when I told them about the decision we were making, the reaction was overwhelming support and encouragement. Moments like this are reassuring.
There have been many of those moments along the way in this process for us.
Change is hard though, no matter if it is a welcome change or a forced change. Saying goodbye is never easy and if I am being honest, I am struggling with this part of the process.
We are leaving behind a beautiful life that we created here, full of friendships and loved ones who have laughed with us and cried with us. Our tribe.
In an effort to distract myself, I have been worrying about everyone else. How will the kids adjust? What about my family? What about Matt? What I finally realized was that I was spending so much time worrying about the people who would likely adjust easily, so I wouldn’t have to listen to my own fears. And by worrying about all of them, what I was really saying is “what if I struggle to adjust?”
The minute you let self-doubt take over you will inevitably end up holding yourself back. So when I have those moments, I simply breathe and remember it will all be okay. I have a lot of peace in terms of this decision and know it is the right thing to do. I just can’t help being human, and well, a little Type A. I love lists. Perhaps I need to see someone about that!
In all seriousness, I have always had a plan, which has served me very well in life. I knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be. Now, I couldn’t tell you exactly what anything looks like. Not that I ever could, but boy I liked to think I could. Today, we are looking at a clean slate to write our story any way we choose. That is both thrilling and terrifying.
As I sit here having moments of sadness coupled with moments of excitement, I know I am all over the map emotionally and that is absolutely okay. I should be sad and happy and excited and nervous. If I wasn’t I would likely be numb and not living life. I know this adventure is going to be amazing, likely met with some challenges along the way, but I am choosing to lean into all of that. And so should you – no matter what form fear is presenting itself as in your life.
Life can change on a dime. Embrace it. Time to go make new check marks.
When all else fails: coffee, wine, repeat.