This morning, as my husband and I found ourselves surrounded by boxes yet again, we had a good laugh and remembered just when you think you have a plan, life happens.
We started reminiscing about the early days when we first met and agreed that had someone told us years ago that we would be living in Australia after leaving our corporate positions, have a 6-year old and nearly 5-year old, and were preparing to move to the beach, we would have questioned their sanity or likely asked what they were smoking.
But here we are, putting together boxes and packing everything up.
Moving, 9 months sooner than we originally anticipated, has been a good reminder to keep our eye on the end game and stay in the moment. One foot in front of the other.
Surrounded by cardboard, it took me back to when I first made my way from NYC to Nashville. Packing, going back and forth from the office to show the apartment, trying to get everything sorted at work. In the middle of all that, two days before leaving the city, life happened. Plans changed.
In the weeks leading up to leaving, I found myself more and more tired. Each time I would get on the subway or into a taxi, I felt sick to my stomach. I had a moment where I thought, “Wow – I must really be ready to leave!?” We never could have imagined it might be something else.
It was finally as I was cleaning the apartment one night and got sick again that Matt asked, “are you sure you aren’t pregnant?” I am certain my reaction to the question was laughter. There was no way. It just couldn’t be. That wasn’t part of the plan.
“There is no way possible.”
“Are you sure?”
“I will prove it to you.”
The next morning, still convinced I had developed a serious allergy to the city, I stopped at the Duane Reade once I got off the train. I strolled to the pregnancy aisle and grabbed the first test I saw.
When I got upstairs, I went to the bathroom just outside my office and literally took the stick and tossed it into my desk drawer, convinced I knew exactly how the test would read in a few short minutes.
I nearly forgot it was in there when I quickly opened the drawer, thinking I would see a negative result, and shut it. I sat there for a minute. Wait. What? I opened the drawer again and sure enough in the space that should have had a negative result was a faint line that wasn’t supposed to be there.
2 minutes later, I had convinced myself I took the test wrong. I didn’t quite know what to make of it, so I took the test out of my desk and literally held it up to the lamp, closely examining it. I then convinced myself my eyes were deceiving me.
I needed a second opinion so I called in a coworker and closed the door. I told her I needed to show her something. I opened the desk drawer and she gasped.
“I have seen tests like that before but never with ‘that’ result.”
Panic. Breathe. Panic. Breathe.
I proceeded to take the test apart, grab the strip from inside, and once again tested it under the lights. Now, not only were my eyes broken but so were my coworkers.
I grabbed her and we went back downstairs to the Duane Reade and headed straight for the pregnancy aisle. This time I was not messing around. I took one full sweep of the shelves and let all tests within reach fall into my basket.
I decided to give it a few days and then repeat the process. Convinced I couldn’t pee on a stick and my eyesight was failing me. I waited.
1 day. 2 days. 3 days.
By that point, I wanted nothing to do with reading lines. I grabbed all the digital tests from my shopping bag. There were 6 total. I began opening them up, one by one. I peed on all 6 of them and sat them neatly in a row anticipating the results.
One right after the other, “pregnant.” All six with the same result.
I think I stopped breathing for a minute.
I was leaving the city in just a few days. How could this be happening? (I know “how,” I just didn’t know HOW!)
I thought about changing plans, putting everything on hold. But, I realized while we are all so busy making plans, life happens. You either choose to roll with it or let it get the best of you.
It wasn’t in the plan, but here we are years later and it was one of the best things that has ever happened. I didn’t know if I would ever be a mother but having my son changed everything and opened my heart in ways I never imagined possible. I got out of my comfort zone and went with the plan that life was gifting me, as opposed to trying to control how I thought life should look.
Life isn’t always going to be exactly how you planned.
When you leave this place, what do you want your legacy to be? Do you want people to say you were comfortable or do you want them to say you were fearless?
I find myself taking a step back and watching my children, observing them as we prepare for yet another move. My hope is that by living a life without limits, we teach them to do the same. That it is okay to leap as opposed to taking baby steps. It is okay to lean in rather than turn your back because of fear. It is okay to choose the unknown over what is comfortable.
This week, let’s all challenge ourselves to do something that is out of the comfort zone. Put yourself out there for that job promotion. Book the trip. Go to dinner and a movie by yourself. Or perhaps it is packing boxes just 2 months shy of unpacking them to fulfill a dream of raising your children at the beach. Now is your time.
When we take risks, we allow ourselves to grow and become better versions of ourselves!
Cheers to a new week and getting out of our comfort zones.