This weekend marked the start of the holiday between term 1 and term 2, which quickly reminded me why I am thankful both kids are in school. Within 24 hours the incessant fighting over Legos, who can run faster, or what to watch on Netflix had begun
With optimism at the forefront, I decided to allow myself a sleep in and attempt to meditate after I had gotten the kids fed and ready to conquer the day. I quickly realized why years ago, I started setting my alarm for 4AM. At that time, nobody else in the house is awake and I can step into my center, get in a quick workout, and peacefully enjoy my coffee and the sound of nature as the world wakes up to yet another day while the house remains quiet.
Close eyes. Take a deep breath. Let the centering begin.
Jolted back to reality, I quickly settle the fight and get back to it.
Two minutes later.
This time a little more frustrated, I suggest they talk it out and figure out a way to work things out without yelling “mom” on repeat.
Breathe. Close eyes.
Bloody hell and all things holy.
This time they have both come storming into the bedroom and are literally screaming over the top of one another.
Done. That’s the end of that.
The reality of trying to practice meditation and motherhood simultaneously was a complete fail – a realization that the two simply don’t go together, unless of course you like to drive yourself crazy teetering between calm centeredness and complete chaos.
I don’t particularly find it appealing – so back to the 4AM wake up call for me.
But, trying to do so opened more questions for me and I found myself wondering how many other parents find it difficult to allow the space in their lives for reflection or to get centered. Or how many young professionals, busy on their climb, find it next to impossible to allow time in their life to simply slow down and appreciate, as opposed to constantly needing to feed their desire to “do” or want “more.”
Earlier today, I sat in on a training session with the fabulous Gabby Bernstein. A few months ago, we did our miracles challenge to kick off the new year, inspired by her book, May Cause Miracles.
During that time, I heard from so many people talking about what they wanted for their life, their careers, their relationships, financially. It was really transformative for so many of us. And as I sat on my call this morning listening to her talk about spiritually aligned action, I was reminded that sometimes it simply takes believing and adjusting your framework to allow that to happen in your life instead of constantly doing and trying to force things to happen.
I hadn’t planned to share this and well, I suppose this will let me know who actually reads these things each week and who simply passes by with a “like” in an effort to be a supportive friend. But, after months of dealing with some pain and discomfort, I finally made an appointment with a doctor last week. Upon initial analysis of the symptoms, she ordered an ultrasound along with blood tests.
On Friday, I learned there is something the size of a tennis ball growing on my ovaries. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have two arms or two legs, so I didn’t miraculously end up with the second coming of Jesus growing in my lady bits. Instead I have a ball filled with lord knows what smashing up against my innards, causing the pain and discomfort I have been experiencing.
And now I am forced to simply wait to learn the results of the blood test. So naturally, my first instinct was to ask Dr. Google what could potentially be going on and scanning the web for ultrasound photos to compare mine to.
Scouring the depths of every medical website and article about ovarian cysts, cancers, growths, and anything else that may take up residence in the baby maker – not that I need my baby maker any more, but still.
We used to laugh that it would take me bleeding out of my eyes and my ears to get me to go to a doctor as I have traditionally been one of those people that would prolong the inevitable. And of course, after giving birth naturally (not by choice), my threshold for pain is off the charts. But something kept prompting me to go in and now that I have, I am glad to know the tug was for good reason.
But as I sit and wait, I am reminded again of the lesson I am constantly learning during this particular season in my life – patience.
Patience to allow my life to take shape in a new country. Patience to allow myself to grow a business. Further patience with my children when they interrupt me in the middle of phone calls, work sessions, or meditation. Patience to see how life is going to unfold without me trying to force the path or create my own. Patience to sit in the tension of uncertainty and allow for that struggle to create growth.
And now, the patience to lean into positivity while waiting.
But how many of us struggle with the same thing? We forget to allow ourselves the time and space to simply believe rather than doing and pushing? We forget that we deserve happiness even as we are juggling work or parenting or going through a tough time. We get so wrapped up in schedules and goals based on our own motivations that we forget to sit back and enjoy the ride – which further blocks us from our true potential and the ability to be aligned with those things.
This week, whether it means setting your alarm clock for 4AM or stepping away from a busy workload for an hour, create that space in your life. Let your own well-being become a priority. Lean into the happiness you deserve, even in struggle, tension, and uncertainty.
Believe in everything and in yourself.
You may just attract exactly what you’ve been searching for.
Cheers to a new week and finding the balance!